You’ve got your condoms, you got your lube, you got a willing partner but you have kinks… And while kinks are amazing and deserve to be lived out, it does make your hooking up experience a little more complicated!
You have to be much more mindful of your partner and of yourself when you’re exploring fetish dating. Kinks come with risks! If you’re playing with bondage there are safety risks, if you’re playing with taboo there are limits that shouldn’t be crossed, and if you’re playing with humiliation you need to know where to stop.
So here are a few things you must know before you have a fetish hookup!
1. You must have safe words
Safe kinky sex means knowing when to stop. And safe words are a clear indication of when you should stop or slow down. Your safe words should be something easy to remember and say. They should also be something that couldn’t be mistaken for something you’d say in the moment (ie fuck!).
I recommend sticking to Red, Yellow, and Green. Red for stop, Yellow for slow down and check in, and Green for go. If you are someone who has diabetes or another illness that could interfere with sex, I recommend adding in Blue to indicate you need something medically.
You are not allowed to pull some dumb Christian Grey shit when it comes to safe words. Safe words are not to be ignored!
2. You must check in
Even if your partner isn’t indicating that they need a break, you should be checking in habitually through the scene. This is what porn doesn’t show you. Porn doesn’t show you how kink actually works in the sense that Dominants are always checking in with their submissives!
3. Limits aren’t meant to be pushed
This point goes hand-in-hand with safe words: do not ignore limits. Limits need to be discussed and set beforehand. For instance: let’s say your partner is not okay with being choked but they’re kind of okay with getting spanked.
In a scene you should NEVER choke them. Not ever. I don’t care how badly you want to do that, you do not push someone’s hard limit.
Spanking, however, would be a soft limit for them. Those are limits that are allowed to be pushed in certain situations. Discuss it before hand when it’s okay for you to push those limits.
4. Everything needs to be SSC
SSC stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
While kink does carry risks, you need to make sure that you are doing everything to make sure you and your partner are staying safe!
You also are not allowed to get carried away at all, you must stay sane!
And you must make sure everything is consensual (this is where safe words and limits come into play). Respect your partner and don’t do anything to them that violates their trust!
5. Your play needs to be RACK
Another acronym to keep in mind is RACK for Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
Like I’ve said, kink carries risks. So be aware of them. And make sure your kinky sex is consensual!
If you have more questions, beginner’s discussion boards on Fetlife are the place to get them answered!